Cute
by CheekyBrunette
Summary: I mean, it's not like it was a bad thing, and Carlos would be lying if he said he didn't like to be called all the cutesy nicknames, but that was ALL they called him.  And he was tired of it.


**Okay, so I just read the cutest, saddest, and most genius fic ever on earth. It's a Glee fic (Klaine) called "Permanent Marker" by Wynnie The Pooh. I command you all to read it, cause LOOK! It inspired me to WRITE! (Also, Wynnie The Pooh? We all know my problems with Winnie The Pooh, so someone named THAT has to be all good.)**

**This is getting so awkward… All I'm writing and no posting… hmmm….**

Carlos took a long look at himself in the mirror, biting his lip and concentrated. After a lifetime of standing in front of himself and analyzing, Carlos had come to a conclusion. He was cute. Nothing more, nothing less.

But that was the thing. _Nothing more. _Just cute… It's not like he didn't know it. Carlos was told about a thousand times a day just how "adorable" he was. Every time he had an idea -_Ha. That's adorable, Carlos!-_, every time he was excited about something -_D'aaaaaw! Look at you!-_, every time he told a story, or turned in a homework, or concentrated, or did a stunt, or… anything! -_Aren't you just the sweetest little thing?- _ With everything he did, it was always that. Cute.

And he shouldn't be upset, and he shouldn't be sad, but somehow he was. Carlos didn't like being cute anymore. It's not like he wanted to gouge out his big puppy dog eyes or get rid of his button nose, but… Carlos wanted to be more than that. Why wasn't he something more?

He went to touch his chin timidly, leaning in towards the mirror, when a loud knock on the bathroom door sent him twelve feet in the air. "Yo, are you almost done? We can go down together!" Logan shouted in to him from the other side of the door.

Oh. Right. It was Friday.

Every Friday night was bonfire night in their little BTR universe. They had never really had them in Minnesota, none of their families owned a fire pit, but it was so easy here, and… Well, they were Big Time Rush. And this was hanging out together AND fire. How could they stay away? All four of them _always_ went down, even if they weren't in the mood. And, boy, was Carlos not in the mood. He ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, Loges, I'm almost done," he said, kicking the handle of the toilet with the bottom of his shoe to make it sound like he w_asn't _just pity-partying with himself, and flipped on the faucet.

Carlos turned to the mirror one last time, trying out a couple mean faces before taking a shaky breath and meeting Logan and everyone else at the table with the best fake smile he could muster. The other boy passed him a fish stick as James walked by, the tallest teen pinching his cheek while popping a TaterTot into his mouth. "You're cute," he said while chewing and headed towards the fridge. Awesome.

Carlos sighed, wolfing down a couple fish sticks, but they lacked the luster they usually had. Fish Stick Friday wasn't looking so good anymore… Meanwhile, his friends were giving him weird, watchful looks across the table. He gave them a reassuring grin. "My tummy doesn't feel very good," he lied, and resisted the urge to stab Katie with his fork as she gave him a little "Aw!" Even _she_ did it, and she was _younger than him!_

"Are you sick?" Logan asked, worried. Carlos shook his head, knowing Logan would make him stay home if he said yes. And if he stayed home, then everyone would stay home. That, combined with the fact that he _wasn't _sick had him shaking his head.

"No, just sort of yicky. I'll be okay," he said and scrunched up his face as Logan did that thing that all caregivers do when checking for a fever, pretending to brush his hair out of his face, but secretly trying to see if he was warm. Logan was always doing that. He smiled and gave Carlos a pat on the head.

"'Kay, little boy," Logan said, and Carlos ducked his head to hide a scowl. Kendall stood up, stretching, and grabbed his jacket, shrugging it over his shoulders, followed closely by the rest of his friends, and they all headed for the elevators. Carlos couldn't help but bounce on his toes a bit, excited to kick it by the campfire. He had sort of been feeling deprived recently; they hadn't exactly been doing anything fun lately. Too many hours at the studio, not enough time to themselves.

Carlos took up his seat by the fire, feeling somewhat self-conscious, but mostly thrilled to light it up. FIRE! Just the thought of it danced in his brain like the flames were sure to dance before his eyes. He hopped in his seat a little as Kendall lit the match. The wood lit without a hitch, and within seconds, the boys were surrounded by the other teens of the Palmwoods. It was almost ridiculous how instantaneous it was.

Carlos's heart almost melted when the Jennifers chose to sit next to him on the bench. He tapped the nearest, the curly haired one, and tried to look attractive. "You look really pretty and stuff," he said confidently, and the Jennifer just scoffed.

"Yeah, whatever, Sweetie," she said, flipping out a compact mirror from her purse, having never really met his eyes. And with that, the mood of the evening was set. Carlos found himself sinking deeper and deeper into the cushions, somewhat wishing he hadn't even came, even if they all _did _always go. At some point during the night, Carlos flipped his hood up and over his eyes.

It was constant. Literally, all the time, people were calling him pet names and every synonym for "adorable" there was. Seriously, it wasn't that bad, except for that he wasn't ever called anything else. Carlos had good ideas, so why didn't people call him smart? Logan got called cute AND smart. Carlos didn't think he was bad looking, so why did no one ever say he was handsome? That's what they called James. And what about athletic? Or strong? Carlos played hockey as much as Kendall, probably more, but people didn't seem to notice that so much.

Carlos wondered what it would be like to be _more. _To be cute and… and… and… something. Anything. He was sick of only having one layer. His brain told him that there was something else to him, but his heart was starting to give up. Maybe that was just the best people could say about him. "_Oh that Carlos, he's… Well, he's adorable at least…" _

So when everyone else had flittered back up to the apartments, Carlos was getting up to join them. James's hand snagged his wrist as he stood. "Woah, where are you goin'? It's bonding time!" he exclaimed, dragging him back into his seat. Carlos sighed, and sat restlessly as the band's heartthrob launched into a boring retelling of his trip to the salon, and how he wasn't sure if his highlights looked natural enough. Like people didn't have _real_ problems.

"Earth to Carlos!" Logan called, and Carlos blinked as he noticed that Logan's hand had magically appeared right in front of his face, waving at him. He must have dazed off. "Are you okay? You seem pretty spacey, short stuff." Carlos pushed his hand away, and frowned at him.

"Seriously, 'Short Stuff'? You're only, like, an inch taller than me. And little boy? You're the scrawny one here. I swear, you're so skinny, you have to run around in the shower to get wet. Where do you even get off on calling me little OR short?" Carlos asked, shaking a little bit with fury. Logan blinked, having been caught extremely off guard. He leaned away.

"Umm… I don't…"

"Yeah, of course you don't. Whatever. Just leave me alone…" Carlos said grumpily, putting off all of his friends. Somewhere in the back of his brain, Carlos felt a bit guilty about flipping on Logan. He didn't like yelling at his friends, even when he was beyond mad at them, and he wasn't actually angry with them at all. He was more mad at _everyone_ versus just them.

"Whelp. It is bonfire night. Wanna tell us what's getting you?" Kendall asked, giving him the opportunity to let it out. Carlos bit his lip, debating if he wanted to talk about it or not. Sometimes it was hard to talk about what was getting you not because of wanting to keep it secret, but because of the response you might get. What if his friends said that his being cute really _was_ the only thing good about him? It couldn't be his only layer, could it?

"No," he answered curtly, and James elbowed him in the side with a smile plastered to his face.

"Awww, come on, buddy. Don't be like that. What can we do to cheer our Carwitos up?" he asked, donning a baby voice that made Carlos want to punch his face in two. His fists itched at his sides, and he scowled.

"You wanna know so bad? That. That's what's bugging me. It's like no one sees me as anything but a two-year-old." James just arched an eyebrow at his outburst, putting his hands up in surrender. "It's not fair. You guys all have you're labels, but I only have my one, and my one s_ucks_. Like, seriously? I'm not a baby, so stop talking to me like I'm one!" Kendall scratched the back of his head.

"Well, Carlos, you sort of do warrant that treatment. I mean, you're kind of a cute little thing and all, so…" he trailed off. There was that word again. _Cute. _Man, Carlos was just so, so sick of _cute._

"Yeah, well, I'm smart, too, Kendall! And I can be clever, and I can be funny, and I can be cool, and jock-ish, and… I don't know. But I'm lots of different things, Kendall. Lots of different things. Or… at least, I think so," Carlos said, suddenly feeling a little less sure of himself. He stared at the dying fire, still glowing orange in the warm, LA night. He missed Minnesota. He hated the idea that he was going to be a wimp to the cold when he went home. He was sick of shorts and t-shirts. Carlos wanted a big poofy jacket and a pair of ski socks. 2J was kept pretty cold, but it just wasn't the same as that slap in the face stepping outside always earned you back home in the winter.

"You are all of those things," Logan said quietly after a bit, eyes watching him a bit nervously. Suddenly, Carlos felt tired, too tired to be dealing with all of this right now. He ran his fingers through his hair, making it stick out a bit.

"Great. Thanks for finally saying something about it," Carlos huffed. He looked up at the moon, full and bright, and he couldn't help tearing up a bit. This whole BTR thing wasn't fun anymore. He wanted to go home, where his family told him he was other things. Because, seriously, cute wasn't something a teenage boy liked being called. I mean, when it came from a girl, that was one thing, but… not everyone. Not all the time.

"We'll tell you more," James said reassuringly, but Carlos just brushed him off.

"Yeah, okay, whatever, empty promises," Carlos whispered under his breath, but Kendall had heard him. The blonde shook his head.

"No, Carlos. Not empty promises. Because you _are_ smart. You do great on tests when you try, and you've had some pretty great ideas. Right Loges?" Kendall asked, and Logan was quick to agree.

"Yep, you actually are very intelligent Carlos. And you ask the best stuff. You make me question things I wouldn't have thought to before, and that's great for the mind," Logan said with a nod, and Carlos might have felt his heart swell a little bit. Being called smart by anyone was something special, but when it was from Logan? That was _different. _Logan was a genius, so his "smart" meant a lot more than other people's. Carlos couldn't help but grin a little bit.

"Mm-hmm," James agreed, "And you shouldn't worry about the whole 'handsome' thing. I mean, if being Latino doesn't automatically give you your own 'hot' card, then your face totally does." Carlos snickered. That was such a _James_ way to make him feel better, and it totally worked. Having the pretty boy of Big Time Rush call you hot? Yeah, okay, not a doubt in his mind now.

"And you're all athletic, and a boss at hockey, and super strong, and… I don't know, Litos, but I don't think it's going to be hard to call you things other than cute," Kendall told him with a smile that made Carlos beam in response. Logan cleared his throat.

"Although, it _will _be hard not to call you pet names. You a_re_ our bestest buddy," Logan said, punching playfully on the knee. Carlos just laughed, and listened with interest and Kendall launched into his latest Gustavo story, aiding to Carlos's belief that the big man was _crazy_.

And then the next morning? At least five people called him a cutesy nickname in the lobby, but Logan called him brilliant on the limo ride over, and suddenly that was the only label he could remember.

**I could through you in the lake or feed you poisoned birthday cake! I won't deny, I'm gonna miss you when you're gone. I could bury you alive, but you might crawl out with a knife, and that's why **_**I CAN'T DECIDE, WHETHER YOU SHOULD LIVE OR DIE!**_

**I love Doctor Who.**

**OKAY, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD, SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT "GET THE HECK OUT OF DODGE" MEANS! Like… why does EVERYONE apparently think that's a saying? What even IS dodge? Gah.**

**Did you guys know there's a Phineas and Ferb YouTube playlist that do all of their songs in alphabetical order? LIFE IS SO GOOD!**


End file.
